The Eye of the Kisa: Behind the Cute Exterior
by Neptune Fairy
Summary: It's a bird. It's a plane. No...it's Kisa with Yuki's condoms! Watch as this eccentric, perverted tiger in disguise shows us what's...um...REALLY on her mind. Another disturbing 'Inside the Mind of' story. r&r please!
1. Don Henley is Gay

**A/N: Yay! I'm doing one on Kisa. You might have to be patient with updates on this one, though…**

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Hiro got arrested today.

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Because he went gangsta and bombed the House of Sex that Hatori gave me for my birthday.

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As he was getting arrested he was all like, "Y0 y0 dat Hows a Smex is da b0mb f0-shizzo

but ma dyn4mite b0mbs is da hella t1ght11!"

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I MISS MY HOUSE OF SEX.

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So many hot p0rn stars and workers for the p0rn industry…like Ayame and Momiji…

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So I told HARU. And he went black and raped Hiro.

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And I got my House of Sex back.

Yay! THE END!

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"Hey, Yuki…you look like you have an itch. Can I scratch it?"

"B-but Kisa, It's on my m-m-manhoo-"

"No worries. I'll take care of it. (Suggestive look)"

"O.O (Flat out elation)"

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I like making people happy.

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Especially when I know it means that Haru will give me kinky sex.

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"If you like to make people happy, then why don't you quit sitting on my banana? (sob sob)"

"What's this, Ritsu? You're finally getting the guts to tell people not to do stuff?"

"(GASP) I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU WITH KINKY SEX OR WHATEVER YOU WA-"

"(Baseball bat to Ritsu's side)"

"…( le collapse)"

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How come in Neptune-san's stories, Ritsu always offers sex to make up for its "sins?"

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"Gasp! You called Ritsu an 'it'!"

"Yes, I did. Because he's a he/she/it manwhore-bitch, just like Akito."

"I AM AKITO"

"…Eepie! (runs)"

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I was listening to Kyo yesterday in the shower.

He was singing.

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"(Singing) Well I'm runnin on the road, tryin to loosen my load, I've got EVERYBODY on my mind! Four who wanna pwn me, 272,986,312 who wanna rape me, and so many more that I don't give a damn to rhyme! Take it eeeeeasy! Take it eee-"

"KYO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SINGING"

"Wtf Kisa? WHY ARE YOU IN THE BATHROOM?"

"You tell ME."

"Well, what do you want me to do? Make you f#$# Don Henley?"

"No, he's gay!"

"…"

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Don Henley from The Eagles is gay.

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It BURNS.

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YOU burn.

With stupidity.

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"Kisa, don't talk to Yuki like that,"

"That's right Kisa, don't. Because I wear GLASSES. That means I am extremely intelligent."

"No. It means you're trying to impress MACHI, dumbass."

"…(angst)"

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And why's Kyo being so nice to Yuki all of a sudden?

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"Hey Kyo, why are you being so nice to Yuki?"

"Shh! I'm trying to be nice to him all day so that he could treat me some hot, yaoi SEX later!"

"…"

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When did Kyo grow so fond of Yuki?

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When did Haru grow a tail?

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When did…the world grow to the point where it's…over?

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"Kisa, the world doesn't grow. And it's still going."

"Shutup Kureno! I'm trying to be poetic here!"

"…"

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I never cared too much about astronomy anyway.

What IS all that crap about universe expansion?

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"Aha, it's you, Kisa! I have come to a solution that the Big Bang never happened! You see, if the entire universe was once the size of an atom, and suddenly exploded into an almost infinite escapade of darkness while its age is still 15 to 20 billion years, the power that set it off would have to be so powerful it would surpass the speed of light, which is impossible!"

"YUKI STOP TRYING TO SOUND SMART"

"(ANGST)"

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I stole his condoms the other day.

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They're so small…

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Gasp! Maybe Yuki really IS a girl!

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"No he's not!"

"Kyo…are you trying to be nice to Yuki again?"

"...(runs)"

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"Ritsu! Is that a new Kimono?"

"(runs)"

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"Tohru! I could have sworn I saw you in your room doing kinky things with Shigure yesterday."

"(runs)"

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Why does everyone RUN from me?

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"Because you are a sick, perverted little girl with kinky thoughts, Kisa."

Wait a second…isn't 'kinky' supposed to be a good thing?"

"……………...(runs)"

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Even HATORI runs!

He's so fast…

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Oh well. I'm going to go back and do something fun.

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"KISA STOP READING MY PORN"

"Sorry, Tohru!"

-

**A/N: W00t. Well, there's the first chapter.**

**And now I must get back to my math.**

**Review,**

**Neptune**


	2. Do Your Boobs Hang Low?

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! Now as you have all been waiting for…chapter 2! Yay! ENJOY DAMMIT.**

**-**

I had a dream last night.

The dream was playing 'Kisa Had a Little Lamb' in the background.

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The lamb's name was Hiro.

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He liked to steal kinky peanut butter and paste it all over my teachers' desks at school.

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It made them h0rny.

So they showed p0rn videos in class as educational ones.

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It was fun. It was the best day at school EVER.

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"Kisa, didn't you say it was a dream?"

"Ah, yes…a dream with the best of my fantasies…"

"(dead silence)"

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Haha! The "…" wasn't used! HAHAHAHA!

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What? Aren't you gonna laugh along with me?

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…

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…shit.

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Guess what?

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My homeroom teacher has gone totally gangsta.

Just watch.

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"I don't w4nn4 d00 m4h h0m3wrk fuk j000!11"

"0M4 j00 4R3 SUPP0S7 2 d00 y3r H0M3W0rK 3V3RY D4Y 4nd L1s73n 2 duh PR1n(1P4L 0r j00 w1LL b 3XP3LL3D11!11eleven1!1!one!

"G4ng574 B17(h"

"D4mn S7R41Gh711!"

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I wrote a haiku to Haru.

This is what it read.

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**Hatori's ass is hairy  
I think it's scary  
That it's so freaking hairy**

**-**

"Kisa!"

"What, Haru?"

"Hatori said he found the haiku and that he's never going to share his hardcore p0rn with you ever again!"

"GASP NO ANGST"

"Use punctuation!"

"Shaddup! You went gangsta before I did!"

"(crickets chirping)"

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(singing) Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier, DO YOUR BOOBS HANG LOW?

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I saw that on an internet add once. It wasn't pretty.

Especially when the lady tied them in a knot.

It was…strange.

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You want a surprise?

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Then scroll down.

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CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH WITH MUSTARD.

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Was that not surprising?

With these lines that separate my thoughts, things are bound to be a surprise.

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BOO!

Hahaha.

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Camels are sexy.

Because they have humps.

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Their theme song should be 'My Humps' by the Black Eyed Peas.

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You know what else?

I just got my "monthly."

Which means…

I can get PREGNANT!

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COOOOL!

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Almost as cool as Yuki's hair.

Yuki's hair is s0o0o0o0o0 cool.

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I'm gonna get a wig imitation of his hair and walk around the house being COOL.

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"Yuki! It looks like you've gotten shorter and grown boobs!"

"Huh?"

"Yuki? Won't you listen to me?"

"I'M WEARING A WIG DAMN YOU"

"…Oh crap! (runs)"

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Stupid Motoko.

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Her hair is even faker than the wig I was wearing!

No wait…I'm still wearing it.

…Damn.

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I wanna watch Dr. Dolittle with that fat tiger.

The one who got sick.

Yeeeaaahhh.

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You want a surprise?

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Then scroll down.

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MY MOMMA DID YO MOMMA (runs)

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**A/N: A cookie for each reviewer! A raison one. No wait…raisons aren't cool.**

**Chocolate chip. Yeah.**

**Neptune-san**


	3. I Wish Shigure'd Do That to Me!

**Have not updated. In. Weeks.**

…

**Oh well. Here's the next chapter!**

**(It's school, by the way. It's a pain in the ass. Bleh.)**

**-**

I was talking to Rin yesterday. We were discussing how cool it would be if Akito became president of Japan.

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She would be the first 'it' president…that way, she could dress like a guy so that everyone would think she was a man. Then they'd elect her.

…Until she flashed them with her flat-chested boobs.

AND THEN…

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5H3 (0U1D M4RRY YUK1.

AnD H4V3 100030405687746 B4b13S w17h h1M.

L13K, 1M s00o0o0o 3l3CT1NG H3R N0W!!1oneone1!!one

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"JAPAN IS NOT TAKING ELECTIONS RIGHT NOW"

"Shove it, Black Haru!"

"…(sad)"

"…Butt sex"

"Gasp"

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Haru tries too hard, ya know that?

Earlier this week, I was buying some tampons for Kagura, and he kept STALKING me. I swear to Akito.

And then finally he spoke up and said that he would give me 400,000 yen if if he could screw me.

And I was like, "SOLD!"

So we could've done it if it weren't for Akito barging in with scissors and giving Haru and me EMO haircuts for having a "relationship."

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But I don't do it f0 relationships, y0 h0me biscuit.

I do it f0 da smex!

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"Money is sexy."

"Kyo, your ASS is sexy."

"…"

"…And scary."

"How could his ass be sexy and scary at the same time?"

"YUKI! Where did you come from!"

"Who cares? Your FACE is scary."

"Yo momma's scary."

"Your boobs are scary!"

"Gasp! I'll knock your ass into the Middle East!"

"I'll knock your fake boobs down into Saudi Arabia!"

"Why are we talking about the Middle East?"

"Because Neptune-san is learning about it in world history!"

"…Damn you!"

"…"

"…"

"H4rdc0r3 s3xxx"

"D4mn 5tr41gh7"

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In many ways, Yuki and I are very alike.

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We like sex.

We put kinky peanut butter in our sandwiches.

WE FEEL UP HATORI IN HIS SLEEP SO THAT HIS BED IS STICKY WITH CU.M IN THE MORNING.

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"Uh, did I miss that last one?"

"…Shit. Hatori caught me!"

"B-but…but I thought that it was Shigure coming over to me every week and spilling his white-out on my sheets!"

"Well...it isn't."

"Good. I thought it smelled kinda funny."

"…"

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I like prodding his balls when he's not looking.

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And when he catches me, I always say, "I was just checking for an erection! I've heard that with doctors, it's not healthy!"

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And almost every time, he's like, "No, go on…it relaxes me…"

And I'm like, "WTF"

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"Waah! I wish Kisa would do that to me!"

"Shut up, Momiji! You'll get your turn when you…marry Arisa."

"(marries)"

"...Goddammit!"

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"ANGST! Did I hear Momiji was cheating on me by letting you feel him up?"

"…Eh? EH? Of course n-"

"GO BACK TO CANADA, BITCH! You leave me and him alone! I am SO breaking up with him…"

"But you're married."

"…"

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I wish Shigure would do that to me!

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"But you have no balls, Kisa."

"Yeah? Well…you have manboobs."

"(angst)"

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Ayame has manboobs.

You can see it in his eyes.

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Haha PSYCH!

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**That was written out days at a time…stupid school. Nyeh.**

**Neptune-san**


End file.
